The day is apparently beautiful
I suppose I should love today
how pigeons pirouette in courtship
and she, flying forth, leaves him
and still he twirls in place, dances on
Why should he not? the day is beautiful
Should sparrows not alight in warm winds
steering and splitting the air like a kite
gliding effortlessly, as playfully as children
who balance on the edge of the riverwalk?
Should they too not also enjoy themselves?
For surely it must be a beautiful day.
Should the robin not be curious of me
brazen and full of courage for crumbs
wondering at the contents of my bag?
Should geese not honk in salutation
and wrens not siren such foreign notes?
Of course. It is a beautiful day
R. Charboneau
Artwork – Pissarro – Springtime in Eragny (1890)
Ugh, I’m flabbergasted. This piece is amazing!
And tercets? Interesting choice, I’m very intrigued. What an awesome find.
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Thanks Johnny! I appreciate your kind, encouraging words. Great word, too, “flabbergasted.” I am definitely a fan of that word!
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How beautiful is this! I wish I had read it earlier in the day. It’s dark and rainy now, but I’m hoping tomorrow echoes your poem. Also, I followed you on Twitter!
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Thanks Gabriela! It’s overcast and rainy over here today, but it was gorgeous only a few days ago. That’s the desert for you.
And thank you for the follow! I’m still figuring out how to use that thing effectively. My hashtag game is pretty weak.
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Robert, you seem like a good guy so I want to give you some constructive criticism on your poems. I like your sketches already. A lot of poems posted on blogs are so lame I wouldn’t bother to comment, but you’re young (I think) and show some talent with language. That’s the good news.
Well here goes. Some of your poems come across as a little stodgy, a little musty. I get what you are trying to express but I feel like you are trying to impress. For example: Why is the day apparently beautiful? and do you think you overdo the “should this and that” stuff? How about this: The day is beautiful. I suppose I should love today. Pigeons pirouette in courtship. Flying forth, she leaves him. Still he twirls in place… Well you get the idea. I hope you don’t mind my playing editor to one of your poems and what the hell do I know, right? But you have written some good ones and I thought I’d just give my impression.
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James, I appreciate your comments, including the criticisms, cause those take equal time and effort to write. I can see how it might sound a bit stuffy. I certainly had some Philip Larkin rattling around in my head that day, and he’s the definition of stuffy. It’s nice to hear how it’s coming across to a reader, especially someone as well read as you. I should probably work on sticking the landing with the tone, to make it clearer that I’m trying to be more playful and coy than stuffy.
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Glad you took the criticism in the spirit in which it was intended. You take it much better than I do. Good for you. When I was your age, I would never have been as gracious about it.
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